Ok so, I called at 6:02, left message. I called at 6:32, left message. I called at 7:00pm, left message. I called at 7:33pm, left message. At 7:39pm he called back.
I was very excited and relieved to hear the kids voices again. After talking to them my ex husband got on the phone and I questioned him if he had found a therapist for our oldest. He said no because he had not heard back from the therapist. I said well I forgot to give you the letter where she is stating he needs therapy while you have him. And he says well it says in the papers if his therapist deems it necessary he should have therapy. I explain again that it what I just said and that is what the letter is about. He told me he wouldn't set up a therapist for him until he heard from our sons therapist. I explained that I had contacted DCF and explained to them the situation and they said if you don't get our oldest in therapy that they would take him out of the house for child neglect and bring him back to me. My ex husband says, he doesn't have marks on him. I said neglect, not abuse. I told him I would be mailing the letter on Monday and that I will give him a few weeks to set things up and if he hasn't done anything then I would contact DCF again. Then he hung up the phone.
Little secret here. My sons therapist doesn't want to talk to him because she believes it would be very unproductive. She doesn't like how demanding and threatening he is. She said he just needs to contact medical records to get the information he is looking for. Pretty bad when not only her, but two other doctors and the school don't want to deal with him. As he told me on the phone last Sunday "everyone is in contempt, I should just take them all to court!" and then he wonders why no one wants to talk with him. Can't talk to someone who is irrational, uncivil and who won't listen to reason.
I was thinking about getting a kids prepaid cell phone for my oldest who will be 7 next time we have visitation. I figure I can contact him directly and leave out the middle man who is controlling. I'm sure though I will get "it's not in the court papers, it's not a designated number, you can't call him directly". Honestly I feel like I live in a prison why does this all have to be so difficult? It's simple, I provide my oldest son with a cell phone funded by me I should be able to do that, right? He's my kid too!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
June 18th, Trying to Talk to the Boys...
I called 6:04pm, left message. 6:33pm, left message. I went to call again around 7pm and noticed a missed call from him at 6:55pm. I was excited! It didn't last long though.
I called back and heard something along the lines of "this call is being recorded" from automated woman's voice. I go "what was that? is this call being recorded?" he said "yes, I record all of my phone calls". It was the first time I had heard that and I told him several times I don't consent to this phone call being recorded and he said it didn't matter because he told me ahead of time it was being recorded. I said well I don't consent to it because in the papers it says these phone calls are not to be monitored. He said "they're not, they're being recorded". Seriously he's driving me nuts. So I guess he can do whatever he wants and he makes sure I don't. I had to deal with it otherwise I wouldn't be able to talk to the kids.
So he began to talk "Before you talk to the boys I have a few questions to ask you first". I'm thinking great, I just want to talk to them now, hear their voices and then I'll talk to you. "Why did you pack only a few outfits and some were either too small or too big? The clothes smelled of cigarette smoke I don't like people smoking around my children. The boys were dirty, why were they so dirty?" I explained he got what he got because I had 30 minutes to get things together and my mind was all over the place. They were dirty because they were playing in the fenced yard at my moms house. Then we get in to the fact how I need to have my own phone that in the court papers it states how I am responsible for my own communication. Well I am I'm borrowing a phone from someone that I live with. I was told that in the future I could not talk to the boys until I got my own phone and phone number. How is that right? It doesn't make sense to me? Really, come up with something better to keep me from talking to them.
I did talk to them, it was comfort to a mothers ears. I miss them dearly and in 58 days I get to have them back. Needless to say my attorney is now involved again. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row so I can fix this whole mess with the phone calls, visitation and child support. If my ex husband would let the past go and stop being so spiteful this would be so much easier on everyone involved especially the kids. Problem is, I live in a state where law enforcement can interpret and enforce court documents and he lives in a state where they don't get involved in civil matters. I feel like a 4 year old when I say, "it's not fair!"
I called back and heard something along the lines of "this call is being recorded" from automated woman's voice. I go "what was that? is this call being recorded?" he said "yes, I record all of my phone calls". It was the first time I had heard that and I told him several times I don't consent to this phone call being recorded and he said it didn't matter because he told me ahead of time it was being recorded. I said well I don't consent to it because in the papers it says these phone calls are not to be monitored. He said "they're not, they're being recorded". Seriously he's driving me nuts. So I guess he can do whatever he wants and he makes sure I don't. I had to deal with it otherwise I wouldn't be able to talk to the kids.
So he began to talk "Before you talk to the boys I have a few questions to ask you first". I'm thinking great, I just want to talk to them now, hear their voices and then I'll talk to you. "Why did you pack only a few outfits and some were either too small or too big? The clothes smelled of cigarette smoke I don't like people smoking around my children. The boys were dirty, why were they so dirty?" I explained he got what he got because I had 30 minutes to get things together and my mind was all over the place. They were dirty because they were playing in the fenced yard at my moms house. Then we get in to the fact how I need to have my own phone that in the court papers it states how I am responsible for my own communication. Well I am I'm borrowing a phone from someone that I live with. I was told that in the future I could not talk to the boys until I got my own phone and phone number. How is that right? It doesn't make sense to me? Really, come up with something better to keep me from talking to them.
I did talk to them, it was comfort to a mothers ears. I miss them dearly and in 58 days I get to have them back. Needless to say my attorney is now involved again. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row so I can fix this whole mess with the phone calls, visitation and child support. If my ex husband would let the past go and stop being so spiteful this would be so much easier on everyone involved especially the kids. Problem is, I live in a state where law enforcement can interpret and enforce court documents and he lives in a state where they don't get involved in civil matters. I feel like a 4 year old when I say, "it's not fair!"
June 17th, Trying to Talk to the Boys...
I never got to talk to the boys like I am suppose to. Court papers state everyday between the hours of 6pm and 8pm. I was very concerned and worried. I was wondering if they every made it back to Florida. I was worrying how the boys were taking all of this, it was the first time ever they had been away from me.
I called:
6:01pm, left message
6:33pm, left message
7:03pm, left message
7:30pm, no message left
7:32pm, left message
I called:
6:01pm, left message
6:33pm, left message
7:03pm, left message
7:30pm, no message left
7:32pm, left message
He Came All the Way Up...
It's taken me while to regain my composure to be able to write. Since Wednesday June the 16th my world has been turned upside down. I never met half way in Tennessee because he was not current on his child support. However, after he spoke with our oldest son he told me that his daddy was not coming and he was heading back to Georgia. Then a few seconds later I get two texts saying for me to look up a cheap flight from Atlanta that he would fly out of there and be in Indiana tomorrow. Lies, lies, lies and he involved his son in it which makes me sick.
I decided to head over to my moms house for dinner and around 9:15pm there is a knock on my moms screen door and her boyfriend went to answer it, I followed behind and it was an officer. I have no clue how they found out where my mom lives. Her phone started blowing up because they went to my uncles house looking for me and after getting the police report they were headed to my 89 year old grandmas house. Outrageous! They were saying we were hiding the kids and keeping the kids from my ex husband. I was offended. If I were hiding I'd go to a place where no one could find me. My moms front door and all of her windows were open for anyone to see and hear and yet we were being accused of hiding the children. The Fort Wayne Police told my mother and I if they could prove we were hiding the children we would get arrested.
I tried to beg and plead saying I had an email from my ex husband allowing me to exchange the children on the 19th so our oldest could have his neurological testing done on the 18th. I was shot down. I asked "well what if I don't hand over the kids until after his testing on Friday" and he told me "then I would arrest you right now". So basically my ex husband can go around lying to me about what I can do and then I proceed with that and then throws these papers up in my face along with the constant cop calling. My oldest son cried when we left my moms house, I had never seen him act like that before. I had to beg to let them ride with me to our house because my ex husband wanted to take them now. We needed to go back so we could get their things.
We were followed by the police and I had 30 minutes to get them packed and ready to go. I was frantic, running around, trying to remember everything 3 little boys needed. I forgot a ton of stuff. Despite what everyone may say I was not, I repeat was not wanting my ex husband to not have the kids for the summer. I just wanted my oldest son to have his testing. I had to reschedule for August 18th.
It was very hard for me to say goodbye. My oldest started crying again, I had never seen him act like that. My youngest stayed at the edge of the steps, he didn't want to leave. After they were gone an officer stayed to talk to us and I thought it was because he was being nice, but after reading the report it was because my ex husband requested a police escort to I69 and the officer that stayed with us was to make sure we didn't leave after them. Seriously, what do these people think I'm capable of? I have never been arrested, or have had any kind of ticket. My background is in the medical field where I help people recover from surgeries etc. I am not a criminal! Why am I being treated like one?
I decided to head over to my moms house for dinner and around 9:15pm there is a knock on my moms screen door and her boyfriend went to answer it, I followed behind and it was an officer. I have no clue how they found out where my mom lives. Her phone started blowing up because they went to my uncles house looking for me and after getting the police report they were headed to my 89 year old grandmas house. Outrageous! They were saying we were hiding the kids and keeping the kids from my ex husband. I was offended. If I were hiding I'd go to a place where no one could find me. My moms front door and all of her windows were open for anyone to see and hear and yet we were being accused of hiding the children. The Fort Wayne Police told my mother and I if they could prove we were hiding the children we would get arrested.
I tried to beg and plead saying I had an email from my ex husband allowing me to exchange the children on the 19th so our oldest could have his neurological testing done on the 18th. I was shot down. I asked "well what if I don't hand over the kids until after his testing on Friday" and he told me "then I would arrest you right now". So basically my ex husband can go around lying to me about what I can do and then I proceed with that and then throws these papers up in my face along with the constant cop calling. My oldest son cried when we left my moms house, I had never seen him act like that before. I had to beg to let them ride with me to our house because my ex husband wanted to take them now. We needed to go back so we could get their things.
We were followed by the police and I had 30 minutes to get them packed and ready to go. I was frantic, running around, trying to remember everything 3 little boys needed. I forgot a ton of stuff. Despite what everyone may say I was not, I repeat was not wanting my ex husband to not have the kids for the summer. I just wanted my oldest son to have his testing. I had to reschedule for August 18th.
It was very hard for me to say goodbye. My oldest started crying again, I had never seen him act like that. My youngest stayed at the edge of the steps, he didn't want to leave. After they were gone an officer stayed to talk to us and I thought it was because he was being nice, but after reading the report it was because my ex husband requested a police escort to I69 and the officer that stayed with us was to make sure we didn't leave after them. Seriously, what do these people think I'm capable of? I have never been arrested, or have had any kind of ticket. My background is in the medical field where I help people recover from surgeries etc. I am not a criminal! Why am I being treated like one?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I'm Not Meeting Half Way!!!
So after the conversation I had with my ex husband this past Sunday and explaining to him why I wouldn't meet half way on the 16th, he obviously didn't listen to one thing I said. I believe I won't be there on the 16th is pretty straight forward. As I explained to him the Judge ordered I only had to meet half way if you were current in your child support payments and you are not, so I don't have to go half way. Doesn't sound like to me I was insinuating anything other than I won't be there on the 16th. So he began to text me on a phone I am borrowing and that person wasn't with me, he was in class. Here is the texts between my ex husband and my friend:
Ex Husband 7:03pm - Have the boys call me. I am in GA, and I am sending this to you. I will be in TN at 11:30AM as previosly stated.
Friends Phone 7:11pm - Can it be at ten, or will not accept the call.
Friends Phone 7:18pm - Are then coming on to IN or is that it for you?
Ex Husband 7:28pm - what do u mean will not except the call? r u kidding me? the hours are from 6-8, per court orders. y 10?
Ex Husband 7:28pm - WHAT R U TALKING ABOUT
Ex Husband 7:39pm - Are you not meeting with me tomorrow at 11:30AM in TN as previously stated per the court orders and per my visitation time. I will be there.
Ex Husband 7:40pm - If 10 is what it takes to talk with my kids, I will allow it this one time, however it will not continue on that schedule, as for they should be in bed by then.
Ex Husband 7:57pm - I'm waiting for a response. What are your plans? I asked you questions.
Ex Husband 8:19pm - ****(me), you need to communicate with me immediately regarding the children and the pick up and drop off. I will be in TN at 11:30AM tomorrow. Will see you then? I will not go any further than TN, absolutely not.
Friends Phone 8:48pm - It is *****(ex husband) I asking for 10 because that is when I will see *****(my oldest son).
Friends Phone 8:49pm - I have weld now so ttyl.
Ex Husband 9:08pm - thats cool man, weld class is great. I can handle 10. just make sure i talk to him the :)
Friends Phone 9:32pm - No prob.
Ex Husband 10:03pm - It's not 10:02 and still no call.
Ex Husband 10:03pm - It's now 10:03 and no call.
Friends Phone 10:04pm - I am my home rainy and crappy here.
Ex Husband 10:10pm - That is no excuse. Where are my children?
Friends Phone 10:12pm - With there mom, dude. Look can't drive any faster.
Ex Husband 10:13pm - In order for *********(me, using my givin name) and the kids to be at the PD on time in the morning, she needs to leave the house no later than 3:30AM to be there by 11:30AM.
Ex Husband 10:14pm - It's about an 8 1/2 hour drive.
Ex Husband 10:15pm - Well you said that you would have then call me at 10:00, it's now going on 10:15 and it's been 15 minutes of waiting for the call. This has been noted and I will be in TN at 11:30AM. Don't worry about having the kids call me now, they need to get sleep because they have to get up early in the morning.
Ex Husband 10:23pm - to meet me that is
Ex Husband 10:24pm - does ****(me) converse with your ex? this is ****s(me) responsibility not yours
Ex Husband 10:25pm - my kids! not yours, never
Ex Husband 10:25pm - y so involved
Ex Husband 10:26pm - this is not your deal
Ex Husband 10:28pm - 10:28 wheres my kids!
Friends Phone 10:31pm - Then stop texting be home in 5 min. So, shut up and relax
Ex Husband 10:32pm - i will not shut up! involved my children, where r they
Ex Husband 10:33pm - r u my kids still up
Friends Phone 10:33pm - My phone my rules. Don't piss me off.
Ex Husband 10:34pm - will u b there tomorrow?
Ex Husband 10:35pm - no! ****(me) SAID TO CALL! AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO SPEAK TO MY KIDS PER ****(me)
Friends Phone 10:36pm - Me no. I will be in class. I agree don't piss owner of phone.
And as soon as my friend came home from his class we called him at 10:36pm. He talked to his sons. He asked my oldest what time he would be getting up in the morning which bothered me because he always questions the children. He told them he would be seeing them tomorrow and picking them up to bring them back to his house for the summer visitation. Now I am not happy about this what so ever. Because as stated in the texts he said he wasn't going any further than TN but then tells our kids he's picking them up tomorrow after I told him this past Sunday I would not be there. Now I have to do damage control on my oldest. He is going to be completely heart broken and not understand a single thing. I'm thankful the youngest two have no clue what's going on or who "daddy" is.
I hurt for my children and I hate the choices I have made. They are paying for my sins and I wish I could change it, but I can't. Or can I?
Ex Husband 7:03pm - Have the boys call me. I am in GA, and I am sending this to you. I will be in TN at 11:30AM as previosly stated.
Friends Phone 7:11pm - Can it be at ten, or will not accept the call.
Friends Phone 7:18pm - Are then coming on to IN or is that it for you?
Ex Husband 7:28pm - what do u mean will not except the call? r u kidding me? the hours are from 6-8, per court orders. y 10?
Ex Husband 7:28pm - WHAT R U TALKING ABOUT
Ex Husband 7:39pm - Are you not meeting with me tomorrow at 11:30AM in TN as previously stated per the court orders and per my visitation time. I will be there.
Ex Husband 7:40pm - If 10 is what it takes to talk with my kids, I will allow it this one time, however it will not continue on that schedule, as for they should be in bed by then.
Ex Husband 7:57pm - I'm waiting for a response. What are your plans? I asked you questions.
Ex Husband 8:19pm - ****(me), you need to communicate with me immediately regarding the children and the pick up and drop off. I will be in TN at 11:30AM tomorrow. Will see you then? I will not go any further than TN, absolutely not.
Friends Phone 8:48pm - It is *****(ex husband) I asking for 10 because that is when I will see *****(my oldest son).
Friends Phone 8:49pm - I have weld now so ttyl.
Ex Husband 9:08pm - thats cool man, weld class is great. I can handle 10. just make sure i talk to him the :)
Friends Phone 9:32pm - No prob.
Ex Husband 10:03pm - It's not 10:02 and still no call.
Ex Husband 10:03pm - It's now 10:03 and no call.
Friends Phone 10:04pm - I am my home rainy and crappy here.
Ex Husband 10:10pm - That is no excuse. Where are my children?
Friends Phone 10:12pm - With there mom, dude. Look can't drive any faster.
Ex Husband 10:13pm - In order for *********(me, using my givin name) and the kids to be at the PD on time in the morning, she needs to leave the house no later than 3:30AM to be there by 11:30AM.
Ex Husband 10:14pm - It's about an 8 1/2 hour drive.
Ex Husband 10:15pm - Well you said that you would have then call me at 10:00, it's now going on 10:15 and it's been 15 minutes of waiting for the call. This has been noted and I will be in TN at 11:30AM. Don't worry about having the kids call me now, they need to get sleep because they have to get up early in the morning.
Ex Husband 10:23pm - to meet me that is
Ex Husband 10:24pm - does ****(me) converse with your ex? this is ****s(me) responsibility not yours
Ex Husband 10:25pm - my kids! not yours, never
Ex Husband 10:25pm - y so involved
Ex Husband 10:26pm - this is not your deal
Ex Husband 10:28pm - 10:28 wheres my kids!
Friends Phone 10:31pm - Then stop texting be home in 5 min. So, shut up and relax
Ex Husband 10:32pm - i will not shut up! involved my children, where r they
Ex Husband 10:33pm - r u my kids still up
Friends Phone 10:33pm - My phone my rules. Don't piss me off.
Ex Husband 10:34pm - will u b there tomorrow?
Ex Husband 10:35pm - no! ****(me) SAID TO CALL! AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO SPEAK TO MY KIDS PER ****(me)
Friends Phone 10:36pm - Me no. I will be in class. I agree don't piss owner of phone.
And as soon as my friend came home from his class we called him at 10:36pm. He talked to his sons. He asked my oldest what time he would be getting up in the morning which bothered me because he always questions the children. He told them he would be seeing them tomorrow and picking them up to bring them back to his house for the summer visitation. Now I am not happy about this what so ever. Because as stated in the texts he said he wasn't going any further than TN but then tells our kids he's picking them up tomorrow after I told him this past Sunday I would not be there. Now I have to do damage control on my oldest. He is going to be completely heart broken and not understand a single thing. I'm thankful the youngest two have no clue what's going on or who "daddy" is.
I hurt for my children and I hate the choices I have made. They are paying for my sins and I wish I could change it, but I can't. Or can I?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The Emails Keep Rolling...
I got this email yesterday morning at 4:24am:
"****, It has been a week since I have sent the below email, still yet again no response. I now will continue with the original plan that the FINAL JUDGEMENT HAS SET FOURTH. There has been no phone communication with you so what am I to think? I will proceed as planed for drop off and pick up on 6-16-2010 at the Chattanooga Police Department as prearranged Weeks ago."
This is the email he was referring to and sent to me again:
"WE NEED TO HAVE A PHONE CONVERSATION ABOUT NEXT WEEK. I AM ONCE AGAIN CONTACTING THE THERAPIST TO FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON. I WILL BE CALLING THE PLACE WHERE "***** TESTING" MIGHT BE DONE, TO GET THE APPROXIMATE DAY OF AND ENDING TIME. YOU DO KNOW THAT IF I AGREE TO THIS TESTING IT WILL BE A ONE TIME THING, THIS IS NOT CONSIDERED AN EMERGENCY TO HAVE THE VISITATION DATE CHANGED AS IT IS STATED IN THE PAPERS, BUT IF YOU DO NOT CALL ME I WILL ABIDE BY WHAT THE JUDGE HAS SIGNED.
I WILL UNBLOCK THE PHONE OF ***** BUT I AM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, HE IS NOT TO CALL ME, THE KIDS OR YOU MAY CALL EVEN THOUGHT THAT IS NOT THE NUMBER THE IS LISTED IN THE PAPERS, BUT THAT IS ANOTHER THING I AM CHECKING INTO.
SO CALL ME SO WE CAN TOUCH BASE TODAY. REGARDLESS I WILL BE IN TENNESSEE ON 6-16- TO COVER MY ASS."
Today I had a phone conversation with him, I decided it was time. The reason I do not respond to the emails is because my ex husband only hears what he wants to hear and then fabricates the rest to fit what story he would like to tell. Today I just let him talk I didn't have much to say other than I would not be meeting him half way. The Judge ordered that if he was not caught up on child support I did not have to meet half way so I'm not because he is behind. My ex husband doesn't care that his oldest child has problems and issues that he needs treatment for; for me this is an emergency. Besides I have the email where he tells me it can be done on the 19th.
Also for a little humor his fiance sends me a text saying that she should be involved because she is there step mom and their protector. Protector from what, who? She only met them once for less than 24 hours two years ago! I'm sorry that she is unable to have children and at the age of 40 she probably can't do anything about it either. Hope she enjoys being with a 27 year old boy.
Now I'm just waiting for another thing to hit the fan...
"****, It has been a week since I have sent the below email, still yet again no response. I now will continue with the original plan that the FINAL JUDGEMENT HAS SET FOURTH. There has been no phone communication with you so what am I to think? I will proceed as planed for drop off and pick up on 6-16-2010 at the Chattanooga Police Department as prearranged Weeks ago."
This is the email he was referring to and sent to me again:
"WE NEED TO HAVE A PHONE CONVERSATION ABOUT NEXT WEEK. I AM ONCE AGAIN CONTACTING THE THERAPIST TO FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON. I WILL BE CALLING THE PLACE WHERE "***** TESTING" MIGHT BE DONE, TO GET THE APPROXIMATE DAY OF AND ENDING TIME. YOU DO KNOW THAT IF I AGREE TO THIS TESTING IT WILL BE A ONE TIME THING, THIS IS NOT CONSIDERED AN EMERGENCY TO HAVE THE VISITATION DATE CHANGED AS IT IS STATED IN THE PAPERS, BUT IF YOU DO NOT CALL ME I WILL ABIDE BY WHAT THE JUDGE HAS SIGNED.
I WILL UNBLOCK THE PHONE OF ***** BUT I AM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, HE IS NOT TO CALL ME, THE KIDS OR YOU MAY CALL EVEN THOUGHT THAT IS NOT THE NUMBER THE IS LISTED IN THE PAPERS, BUT THAT IS ANOTHER THING I AM CHECKING INTO.
SO CALL ME SO WE CAN TOUCH BASE TODAY. REGARDLESS I WILL BE IN TENNESSEE ON 6-16- TO COVER MY ASS."
Today I had a phone conversation with him, I decided it was time. The reason I do not respond to the emails is because my ex husband only hears what he wants to hear and then fabricates the rest to fit what story he would like to tell. Today I just let him talk I didn't have much to say other than I would not be meeting him half way. The Judge ordered that if he was not caught up on child support I did not have to meet half way so I'm not because he is behind. My ex husband doesn't care that his oldest child has problems and issues that he needs treatment for; for me this is an emergency. Besides I have the email where he tells me it can be done on the 19th.
Also for a little humor his fiance sends me a text saying that she should be involved because she is there step mom and their protector. Protector from what, who? She only met them once for less than 24 hours two years ago! I'm sorry that she is unable to have children and at the age of 40 she probably can't do anything about it either. Hope she enjoys being with a 27 year old boy.
Now I'm just waiting for another thing to hit the fan...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Houston We Have a Problem AGAIN...
The next and current problem I have is summer visitation. As talked about in the previous blogs my oldest son has some issues his pediatrician noticed at his 6 year check up. He said that my son needs to be seen by a neuropsychologist. I all ready had to reschedule the first appointment per the magistrate in Florida from April of 2010 to May of 2010. At the appointment in May his Doctor ordered 4 hours of testing that is costing me $200 because insurance doesn't pay for it.
Here is the problem the soonest I could get him in is on the 18th of June which is two days into my ex husbands visitation for the summer. I keep trying to convince him to let me have the kids until then so our oldest son can be tested. He wants me to put it off until he gets back which is a week before school starts. I don't want to wait until then because if he has problems he needs to have treatments.
I have an email where he tells me I can meet him half way on the 19th and then three hours later he changes it to the 16th. I have an email from him sent a few weeks ago where he says he has no problem with our son being testing, but he's trying to stop it for some reason. He has called the Doctor to have it switched to someone in Florida, he has tried to reschedule it behind my back at a later time. Really I can't wait until a week before school to do this it needs to be done now. I keep explaining to him that his old teacher had concerns all throughout the school year and wanted to know what was going on with him so she could place him with the proper teacher. If I found out now what is going on with him they can do that, but they can't change his teacher a week before school starts.
So the problem now isn't just the testing, well that's the problem for me, the problem for him is me meeting him half way in Tennessee. As it states at least three different places in the divorce papers I am suppose to meet half way if he is caught up on child support, and he is not. I get emails daily saying I will meet him half way as per the divorce papers and if I don't I will be in contempt of court. I've gotten 5 emails in the last week which I have not responded to and I'm afraid to. I get told this is where I'm suppose to meet at what time and not once has he asked me what I can do or what would work for me. How is this all mutual? How do I stop him from bullying me? I am so beat down now...
More to come I promise next blog will be an email that he sends me; something current to read with my comments. Really I think the best way to understand him is to just read what he says, it shows more than I can describe. Thanks for read and putting up with my ranting and raving.
Here is the problem the soonest I could get him in is on the 18th of June which is two days into my ex husbands visitation for the summer. I keep trying to convince him to let me have the kids until then so our oldest son can be tested. He wants me to put it off until he gets back which is a week before school starts. I don't want to wait until then because if he has problems he needs to have treatments.
I have an email where he tells me I can meet him half way on the 19th and then three hours later he changes it to the 16th. I have an email from him sent a few weeks ago where he says he has no problem with our son being testing, but he's trying to stop it for some reason. He has called the Doctor to have it switched to someone in Florida, he has tried to reschedule it behind my back at a later time. Really I can't wait until a week before school to do this it needs to be done now. I keep explaining to him that his old teacher had concerns all throughout the school year and wanted to know what was going on with him so she could place him with the proper teacher. If I found out now what is going on with him they can do that, but they can't change his teacher a week before school starts.
So the problem now isn't just the testing, well that's the problem for me, the problem for him is me meeting him half way in Tennessee. As it states at least three different places in the divorce papers I am suppose to meet half way if he is caught up on child support, and he is not. I get emails daily saying I will meet him half way as per the divorce papers and if I don't I will be in contempt of court. I've gotten 5 emails in the last week which I have not responded to and I'm afraid to. I get told this is where I'm suppose to meet at what time and not once has he asked me what I can do or what would work for me. How is this all mutual? How do I stop him from bullying me? I am so beat down now...
More to come I promise next blog will be an email that he sends me; something current to read with my comments. Really I think the best way to understand him is to just read what he says, it shows more than I can describe. Thanks for read and putting up with my ranting and raving.
Houston We Have a Problem...
Ok, so it wasn't long after the divorce papers were finalized that we ran into our first glitch. Thanks Florida for having the vaguest court documents that you could possible write up!
It was written up that my ex husband had a reintroduction period since it had been almost two years since he had last seen the kids. The idea of this was to get the kids to be familiar with their father in their environment and have a smooth transition into my ex husband having them for the entire summer. I wasn't happy having them gone for 10 weeks but well, I will live with it.
It says in the divorce papers: "The Respondent (me) requests a one-time transition time-sharing period, so that the children get can re-acquainted with the Petitioner (him)". "It is therefore RECOMMENDED that the Petitioner (him) shall spend three to four days in Fort Wayne, IN with the children prior to the regular time-sharing schedule taking effect. The parties are to set up a mutually convenient time period, preferably before June 1, 2010, so that regular time-sharing may commence summer 2010".
Now, a whole lot of Fort Wayne Police got involved and all of them said that it means my ex husband can have them for the 1st day supervised and then the rest of the time he can have them alone unsupervised. I felt and was lead to believe by the two officers that came to my house if I didn't let him have the children I would be in contempt of court and they would come and arrest me. I was bullied into handing my kids over to him. That was not the plan or the deal we had. I have way too many emails regarding this situation to post but if anyone wants to see them I can show you. We were both suppose to come together and pick a mutual time. Instead he came to me told me when he would be here at what times and it didn't work for me and he didn't care that was what he was going to do. Nothing was mutual, as always I got told by him what to do and if I don't do it I get the cops called on me.
The three days we had were horrible. He brought the kids back late the second night by 50 minutes and the third and final night I didn't get them until midnight. I sat at the police station from 8pm when he was suppose to bring them back until 11pm when I was told to go home because he was going to keep the kids over night and I would get them back sometime the next day. He never told me anything he was doing, he finally called me around 9-10 telling me he had the kids and they were ok and he would bring them back when he was done. I said done with what? I have to say I've been disgusted by how Florida has treated my divorce but I'm even more appalled at how Fort Wayne, Indiana treats people like me in these situations.
Whatever my oldest son has was exacerbated during the events of the past three days. I mean he hasn't seen daddy in almost two years and now he sees him and he's being subjected to law enforcement and their officers every day. He told me that the last two nights he had a dream about a police officer shooting him in the face and they put it back together and it hurt. Then he yells out "ah cops!" and I was like "what did he just say?" about his dreams and confused about what he just yelled and sure enough there were cops at my front door. They were called because I didn't answer the phone and he wanted to do a wellness check on the kids. It's funny how in the last two years I had to email him begging him to call and he never did and now all of the sudden if he doesn't hear from the kids every day he calls the cops on me.
It took almost two weeks to get things back to normal for the kids. Luckily the youngest two weren't too affected, they don't remember their father and they're still young. I just feel bad for my oldest. I had to take him to Parkview Behavior Health for an evaluation and they wrote up an emergency referral to his therapist at Park Center.
I have to say anything that could go wrong did and I had a feeling it wasn't going to turn out well but I had no clue it was going to be this bad!
It was written up that my ex husband had a reintroduction period since it had been almost two years since he had last seen the kids. The idea of this was to get the kids to be familiar with their father in their environment and have a smooth transition into my ex husband having them for the entire summer. I wasn't happy having them gone for 10 weeks but well, I will live with it.
It says in the divorce papers: "The Respondent (me) requests a one-time transition time-sharing period, so that the children get can re-acquainted with the Petitioner (him)". "It is therefore RECOMMENDED that the Petitioner (him) shall spend three to four days in Fort Wayne, IN with the children prior to the regular time-sharing schedule taking effect. The parties are to set up a mutually convenient time period, preferably before June 1, 2010, so that regular time-sharing may commence summer 2010".
Now, a whole lot of Fort Wayne Police got involved and all of them said that it means my ex husband can have them for the 1st day supervised and then the rest of the time he can have them alone unsupervised. I felt and was lead to believe by the two officers that came to my house if I didn't let him have the children I would be in contempt of court and they would come and arrest me. I was bullied into handing my kids over to him. That was not the plan or the deal we had. I have way too many emails regarding this situation to post but if anyone wants to see them I can show you. We were both suppose to come together and pick a mutual time. Instead he came to me told me when he would be here at what times and it didn't work for me and he didn't care that was what he was going to do. Nothing was mutual, as always I got told by him what to do and if I don't do it I get the cops called on me.
The three days we had were horrible. He brought the kids back late the second night by 50 minutes and the third and final night I didn't get them until midnight. I sat at the police station from 8pm when he was suppose to bring them back until 11pm when I was told to go home because he was going to keep the kids over night and I would get them back sometime the next day. He never told me anything he was doing, he finally called me around 9-10 telling me he had the kids and they were ok and he would bring them back when he was done. I said done with what? I have to say I've been disgusted by how Florida has treated my divorce but I'm even more appalled at how Fort Wayne, Indiana treats people like me in these situations.
Whatever my oldest son has was exacerbated during the events of the past three days. I mean he hasn't seen daddy in almost two years and now he sees him and he's being subjected to law enforcement and their officers every day. He told me that the last two nights he had a dream about a police officer shooting him in the face and they put it back together and it hurt. Then he yells out "ah cops!" and I was like "what did he just say?" about his dreams and confused about what he just yelled and sure enough there were cops at my front door. They were called because I didn't answer the phone and he wanted to do a wellness check on the kids. It's funny how in the last two years I had to email him begging him to call and he never did and now all of the sudden if he doesn't hear from the kids every day he calls the cops on me.
It took almost two weeks to get things back to normal for the kids. Luckily the youngest two weren't too affected, they don't remember their father and they're still young. I just feel bad for my oldest. I had to take him to Parkview Behavior Health for an evaluation and they wrote up an emergency referral to his therapist at Park Center.
I have to say anything that could go wrong did and I had a feeling it wasn't going to turn out well but I had no clue it was going to be this bad!
The Big D...
Divorce! Exciting for some horrible for others. I've know a few people who've been through it and some were nasty and others were amicable. Lets just say I was very excited when I got serviced my papers but during the proceedings I wasn't excited anymore. I wanted to file but couldn't until I had lived in Indiana for 6 months.
When I got my papers my husband stated how he would pay child support, great! He would let me have the children, great! He wasn't arguing over assets or debts, great! So I just let it be and waited for the first court hearing with the magistrate, that wasn't great. I messed up big time! I never contacted the courts telling them that I was or wasn't ok with what was stated in the papers and I defaulted which is not a good position to be in. It was only the beginning and it went from me being excited going through the divorce to I just want to be divorced NOW!
This is my first marriage and divorce so I had no clue what was about to happen. The first hearing we had child support was not brought up so I brought it up and was told since I was in default I couldn't say anything and no child support was set. I wasn't sure how they could do that or even get away with it. The next hearing went a little different, my husband wanted full custody now and I wanted child support. I had an attorney and he filed for temporary child support and it was granted. $450 a month for three children, but it was more than I was getting before which was nothing. I finally got a check for $300 and then about 5 months later got another $300, and then a few days before the final hearing he paid $1,000, that's all I got in 9 months. It's now $471 a month which is based off of him making minimum wage when he's self employed and told the magistrate and my attorney at questioning that he makes $20-$40 an hour when he is working. I'm very confused about all of that and how he can state what he makes without them verifying the information. I'm sure we can all guess here that he is hiding money and lying about his true income and Florida and our magistrate just let him and I'm sure several others get away with it.
The next hearing we had was mediation. I really wanted to end it at mediation but 5 hours in to it while we took a break he called his fiance Kristen and he came back saying he wasn't happy with it and wanted to stop. I was so upset because I really wanted to be done all ready. I wasn't sure why he was drawing this whole thing out so damn long. We then went back for a 3rd time to meet with the magistrate and she ordered a final hearing on April of 2010. Well ironic timing because the date she picked was the exact date my oldest son's Doctor scheduled him to meet with a neuropsychologist to have an evaluation done on him for possible autism and being delayed. I explained to her how he had this appointment and she told me to reschedule it I was very pissed. There is something wrong with my son and I would like to find out sooner than later so he can receive treatment and here again Florida didn't care. I rescheduled and had to wait another month.
Now it's the final hearing and my husband and I were suppose to come together with a parenting plan. My attorney and I didn't have one because my husband never got in touch with us, but he made his own. Not surprising because he likes to do whatever he wants to do and doesn't care about anyone else. At the end of the hearing she wrote up a parenting plan and finalized some loose ends in the divorce papers and said we had 10 days to disagree. Well can you guess what happened next? He disagreed! I was fine with it because like I keep saying I just wanted to be divorced all ready and it seemed he wanted to drag this on forever. I mean if you had been engaged for almost a year now and wanted to marry this so called love of your life wouldn't you just hurry it up and get the divorce? I would.
As of May 2010 we are no longer married and you would think that the sun should be coming up but it hasn't. He continues to harass and threaten me with these papers and child support every moment he gets and I'm sick and tired of it. I feel helpless and hopeless about moving forward with my first wife title and concentrating on myself and the kids. He makes this practically impossible with the constant emails and texts.
Now that I have laid out the history and foundation of my story the majority of the blogs in the future with consist of his emails and what happens. I really want my story to be told and to share what he does so people can read what he says. He's so good about getting to the courts, child support and law enforcement before I know what he's doing but this time I'm just getting to the people.
When I got my papers my husband stated how he would pay child support, great! He would let me have the children, great! He wasn't arguing over assets or debts, great! So I just let it be and waited for the first court hearing with the magistrate, that wasn't great. I messed up big time! I never contacted the courts telling them that I was or wasn't ok with what was stated in the papers and I defaulted which is not a good position to be in. It was only the beginning and it went from me being excited going through the divorce to I just want to be divorced NOW!
This is my first marriage and divorce so I had no clue what was about to happen. The first hearing we had child support was not brought up so I brought it up and was told since I was in default I couldn't say anything and no child support was set. I wasn't sure how they could do that or even get away with it. The next hearing went a little different, my husband wanted full custody now and I wanted child support. I had an attorney and he filed for temporary child support and it was granted. $450 a month for three children, but it was more than I was getting before which was nothing. I finally got a check for $300 and then about 5 months later got another $300, and then a few days before the final hearing he paid $1,000, that's all I got in 9 months. It's now $471 a month which is based off of him making minimum wage when he's self employed and told the magistrate and my attorney at questioning that he makes $20-$40 an hour when he is working. I'm very confused about all of that and how he can state what he makes without them verifying the information. I'm sure we can all guess here that he is hiding money and lying about his true income and Florida and our magistrate just let him and I'm sure several others get away with it.
The next hearing we had was mediation. I really wanted to end it at mediation but 5 hours in to it while we took a break he called his fiance Kristen and he came back saying he wasn't happy with it and wanted to stop. I was so upset because I really wanted to be done all ready. I wasn't sure why he was drawing this whole thing out so damn long. We then went back for a 3rd time to meet with the magistrate and she ordered a final hearing on April of 2010. Well ironic timing because the date she picked was the exact date my oldest son's Doctor scheduled him to meet with a neuropsychologist to have an evaluation done on him for possible autism and being delayed. I explained to her how he had this appointment and she told me to reschedule it I was very pissed. There is something wrong with my son and I would like to find out sooner than later so he can receive treatment and here again Florida didn't care. I rescheduled and had to wait another month.
Now it's the final hearing and my husband and I were suppose to come together with a parenting plan. My attorney and I didn't have one because my husband never got in touch with us, but he made his own. Not surprising because he likes to do whatever he wants to do and doesn't care about anyone else. At the end of the hearing she wrote up a parenting plan and finalized some loose ends in the divorce papers and said we had 10 days to disagree. Well can you guess what happened next? He disagreed! I was fine with it because like I keep saying I just wanted to be divorced all ready and it seemed he wanted to drag this on forever. I mean if you had been engaged for almost a year now and wanted to marry this so called love of your life wouldn't you just hurry it up and get the divorce? I would.
As of May 2010 we are no longer married and you would think that the sun should be coming up but it hasn't. He continues to harass and threaten me with these papers and child support every moment he gets and I'm sick and tired of it. I feel helpless and hopeless about moving forward with my first wife title and concentrating on myself and the kids. He makes this practically impossible with the constant emails and texts.
Now that I have laid out the history and foundation of my story the majority of the blogs in the future with consist of his emails and what happens. I really want my story to be told and to share what he does so people can read what he says. He's so good about getting to the courts, child support and law enforcement before I know what he's doing but this time I'm just getting to the people.
How I ended up back in Indiana...
After my husband had left my mom suggested that moving back to Indiana would do me good. I didn't want to leave but getting a job was more difficult than I had thought. My husband wasn't helping out with his share of supporting our children and I realized I was more on my own than I had thought.
Two things happened though that really shook me up and sealed the deal for me leaving Florida. The first thing was him hacking my myspace account and changing my profile (I have the evidence to back this up). It was very upsetting the things he had said about me and I felt very scared. The second is when we met up at a local park for him to see the kids and I wouldn't let him take them alone. The reason being was his dad had kidnapped him and his sister when his parents were going through a divorce to get back at his mom. My husband is very much his father and I was scared he would do something. Also at the time our oldest was 4, the second was 18 months and the youngest was 7 months. He had never been alone with the boys like I had and he had no clue how to take care of them especially the baby. So he got very upset at me and wasn't happy just visiting with the children at the park with me there. Later that night as my myspace was hacked daily I saw a picture of me and the boys when we were at the park that day with a caption saying "this is my wife leaving her kids alone in the park". I later got an email from him saying "Also, I can take pictures of who I want, where I want, any time that I want to. This is a free country and I can do what I want when I want to do it, and you were in a public place and you are subject to having your picture taken at anytime." After that me and the boys stayed prisoners of the home because I was terrified of what he was going to next. But what I was going to do next was get the hell out of there!
This is another email he sent because he was upset I wouldn't leave the park while he visited with the kids it says:
"You are an inconsiderate, good for nothing, lazy a** f***ing b****. The reason I am upset, is because you are not letting me see MY children. I have every f***ing right to see these kids, and with you being like this, this is why I am upset. You are nothing but an inconsiderate b****, and I hope that you end your life soon, so we don't have to deal with you anymore.
Good luck with your new life, but I WILL see my kids, how I want to see my kids, when I want to see my kids, and I will be able to take my kids where I want to take them and there is nothing that you do about it.
This is a FREE country and YOU do not control me, you hear me b****? So why don't you f***ing get a life, and why don't you print off this email and show it to everyone, because this is how you are. You are a f***ing b****! So go f*** yourself and dig your own grave!
Don't f***ing call me EVER EVER AGAIN! I will deal with you soon enough, and YOU will be letting me see my kids!
Good day,
*****"
A few days later I agreed to let him take the kids for a week. It wasn't that I was trying to keep him from the kids it's just that they had always been with me from the time they were born and he wanted to bring them around Kristen and I felt it might be confusing for them to see daddy with a new woman. But, it was also a test. I knew he couldn't handle them, they are a lot and getting to be more difficult as they get older. He was lying and telling people how he always took care of the kids and I figured if he couldn't hack it, it would just prove he was lying as usual. He picked them up around 3pm on Sunday and Monday morning I get emails and texts saying to call him. I called and the conversation was how he got no sleep last night and how he can't work because they're too loud. Not sure why he didn't think of that when he agreed to take the kids during the week but that's how he is. I was also told by him if I didn't pick the kids up that he would turn them over to Department of Children and Families and Florida could take them.
That was the last time he saw the kids and it wasn't until recently he came back around. And this weekend he's suppose to have the kids for 10 weeks this summer and I'm terrified what this is going to do to the kids. I have an email where he says he's going to question them about what I say and other emails saying I know what he's capable of. Well I do and that's why I moved to Indiana because distance makes it harder to do harm to other people.
Two things happened though that really shook me up and sealed the deal for me leaving Florida. The first thing was him hacking my myspace account and changing my profile (I have the evidence to back this up). It was very upsetting the things he had said about me and I felt very scared. The second is when we met up at a local park for him to see the kids and I wouldn't let him take them alone. The reason being was his dad had kidnapped him and his sister when his parents were going through a divorce to get back at his mom. My husband is very much his father and I was scared he would do something. Also at the time our oldest was 4, the second was 18 months and the youngest was 7 months. He had never been alone with the boys like I had and he had no clue how to take care of them especially the baby. So he got very upset at me and wasn't happy just visiting with the children at the park with me there. Later that night as my myspace was hacked daily I saw a picture of me and the boys when we were at the park that day with a caption saying "this is my wife leaving her kids alone in the park". I later got an email from him saying "Also, I can take pictures of who I want, where I want, any time that I want to. This is a free country and I can do what I want when I want to do it, and you were in a public place and you are subject to having your picture taken at anytime." After that me and the boys stayed prisoners of the home because I was terrified of what he was going to next. But what I was going to do next was get the hell out of there!
This is another email he sent because he was upset I wouldn't leave the park while he visited with the kids it says:
"You are an inconsiderate, good for nothing, lazy a** f***ing b****. The reason I am upset, is because you are not letting me see MY children. I have every f***ing right to see these kids, and with you being like this, this is why I am upset. You are nothing but an inconsiderate b****, and I hope that you end your life soon, so we don't have to deal with you anymore.
Good luck with your new life, but I WILL see my kids, how I want to see my kids, when I want to see my kids, and I will be able to take my kids where I want to take them and there is nothing that you do about it.
This is a FREE country and YOU do not control me, you hear me b****? So why don't you f***ing get a life, and why don't you print off this email and show it to everyone, because this is how you are. You are a f***ing b****! So go f*** yourself and dig your own grave!
Don't f***ing call me EVER EVER AGAIN! I will deal with you soon enough, and YOU will be letting me see my kids!
Good day,
*****"
A few days later I agreed to let him take the kids for a week. It wasn't that I was trying to keep him from the kids it's just that they had always been with me from the time they were born and he wanted to bring them around Kristen and I felt it might be confusing for them to see daddy with a new woman. But, it was also a test. I knew he couldn't handle them, they are a lot and getting to be more difficult as they get older. He was lying and telling people how he always took care of the kids and I figured if he couldn't hack it, it would just prove he was lying as usual. He picked them up around 3pm on Sunday and Monday morning I get emails and texts saying to call him. I called and the conversation was how he got no sleep last night and how he can't work because they're too loud. Not sure why he didn't think of that when he agreed to take the kids during the week but that's how he is. I was also told by him if I didn't pick the kids up that he would turn them over to Department of Children and Families and Florida could take them.
That was the last time he saw the kids and it wasn't until recently he came back around. And this weekend he's suppose to have the kids for 10 weeks this summer and I'm terrified what this is going to do to the kids. I have an email where he says he's going to question them about what I say and other emails saying I know what he's capable of. Well I do and that's why I moved to Indiana because distance makes it harder to do harm to other people.
How this all got started...
I met my husband online we dated, got engaged, were married all within a year and exactly 9 months after our wedding date our first son was born. To say the least we really rushed it and didn't think about anything we were really doing.
While we were engaged he ended up leaving me for another woman; oh yes, it's one of these stories. Her name was Jessica and I was so hurt and upset. He was actually seeing her for a few weeks before he ended up breaking up with me. It didn't help that I hadn't dated much AND that I had lost my virginity with him so you can kind of see where my head was at in that moment.
Well, as usual I didn't listen to my parents and just let him go, I tried so desperately to get him back. My parents cared nothing for him and disliked him the first time they met him. I should have listened but I didn't. We ended up getting back together two weeks later and then a month later were married.
The second time he cheated on me and left me for another woman was about 2 years into the marriage, her name was Emily. I found out through her that he had told her that we were all ready separated and going through a divorce. I said "funny, cause until yesterday we were still living together, no legal actions had been taken AND we have a child together". I later found out that this little tryst was going on a few weeks before he decided to leave and move in with his sister and her husband. At the time our oldest son was about 18 months old. As usually he came back a few weeks later wanting to be with me and have our little family back again.
The third and final time he cheated on me and left me for another woman was about 5 years into our marriage, her name is Kristen. I'm sure you are seeing a pattern here so without me going into grave detail basically the same thing happened that happened the last two times. Only difference is they are still together and are planning on getting married and I didn't care this time to have him back. I mean, I did want him back because we have three children together but not because I cared for him and loved him. That had gone a long time ago.
While all this cheating was going on I never did it once, honestly! I thought about it a lot because I wasn't getting things from my husband and he was cheating, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
My husband also has a hard time holding down a job. Probably not a surprise to those of you who have been through this or know someone who has. All during our relationship and marriage he had approximately 18 different jobs in a 6 year time period. I tried to work when I could I did all through my first pregnancy and then I turned into a stay at home mom and had two more children. I did have three part-time jobs in that time. The last part-time job was an ultimatum for my husband. I told him that I got a job and that he needed to get one to help this family out and if he didn't that I would be leaving him. I was tired of not having money, having to move over 5 times because we would get so far behind on rent, not having food and having our utilities shut off at least once a month. As usual it took him a few weeks but he did get a job, a really good job, a job that paid him $15 an hour and all he had was a GED. But as usual he didn't keep it I got upset again and he blamed his boss and co-workers instead of taking any kind of personal responsibility.
I know this is a lot but I feel it's important to explain some of the history here. I am leaving out a lot so if anyone has any questions I'm an open book.
To speed it up after he started cheating on me with Kristen he moved (I have the police report to prove it cause he denies it!) out of our condo into her apartment and then proceeded to say nothing was going on between them. Please, I may have been stupid at the begining of our relationship but I was slowly getting smarter to him and his games. Now, this is where it starts to get really ugly and this is the reason and purpose for me deciding to blog about what's going on.
Because I was a stay at home mom I had no income and our rent was $700 a month. He left July 28th 2008 just a few days before rent was due. When I asked him how it was going to get paid he basically said it was my problem so my grandmother sent a check to my landlord in Florida (this was the state where all of this was taking place). I found out as the days went on that he had a charge back done on his credit card and the electric was going to be disconnected. He transfered the insurance from the vehicle we shared together to the new vehicle that he had just purchased after he left us so he didn't have to pay two months in advance. Thanks to my dad he kepts my lights on and gave me enough money to pay for two months of insurance on the new policy I had to open. Then I get a call from my mother-in-law telling me that my husband reported my cell phone lost/stollen and she wanted to tell me about it. I guess she had enough feelings in her to care about just that. Thanks to my mom she got me another cell phone not to mention the several hundreds of dollars she sent me to pay for other expenses and to take care of me and the kids while I tried to figure the whole mess out.
All of this happened in about a months time. Every morning I dreaded waking up because I had no idea what my husband was going to do next. Plus I was still trying to figure out how to move on from it all and he wasn't making it easy. It's hard enough to pick yourself up and move forward but it's even harder when that person doesn't care about the kids to want to make it as easy as possible, if it's possible.
While we were engaged he ended up leaving me for another woman; oh yes, it's one of these stories. Her name was Jessica and I was so hurt and upset. He was actually seeing her for a few weeks before he ended up breaking up with me. It didn't help that I hadn't dated much AND that I had lost my virginity with him so you can kind of see where my head was at in that moment.
Well, as usual I didn't listen to my parents and just let him go, I tried so desperately to get him back. My parents cared nothing for him and disliked him the first time they met him. I should have listened but I didn't. We ended up getting back together two weeks later and then a month later were married.
The second time he cheated on me and left me for another woman was about 2 years into the marriage, her name was Emily. I found out through her that he had told her that we were all ready separated and going through a divorce. I said "funny, cause until yesterday we were still living together, no legal actions had been taken AND we have a child together". I later found out that this little tryst was going on a few weeks before he decided to leave and move in with his sister and her husband. At the time our oldest son was about 18 months old. As usually he came back a few weeks later wanting to be with me and have our little family back again.
The third and final time he cheated on me and left me for another woman was about 5 years into our marriage, her name is Kristen. I'm sure you are seeing a pattern here so without me going into grave detail basically the same thing happened that happened the last two times. Only difference is they are still together and are planning on getting married and I didn't care this time to have him back. I mean, I did want him back because we have three children together but not because I cared for him and loved him. That had gone a long time ago.
While all this cheating was going on I never did it once, honestly! I thought about it a lot because I wasn't getting things from my husband and he was cheating, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
My husband also has a hard time holding down a job. Probably not a surprise to those of you who have been through this or know someone who has. All during our relationship and marriage he had approximately 18 different jobs in a 6 year time period. I tried to work when I could I did all through my first pregnancy and then I turned into a stay at home mom and had two more children. I did have three part-time jobs in that time. The last part-time job was an ultimatum for my husband. I told him that I got a job and that he needed to get one to help this family out and if he didn't that I would be leaving him. I was tired of not having money, having to move over 5 times because we would get so far behind on rent, not having food and having our utilities shut off at least once a month. As usual it took him a few weeks but he did get a job, a really good job, a job that paid him $15 an hour and all he had was a GED. But as usual he didn't keep it I got upset again and he blamed his boss and co-workers instead of taking any kind of personal responsibility.
I know this is a lot but I feel it's important to explain some of the history here. I am leaving out a lot so if anyone has any questions I'm an open book.
To speed it up after he started cheating on me with Kristen he moved (I have the police report to prove it cause he denies it!) out of our condo into her apartment and then proceeded to say nothing was going on between them. Please, I may have been stupid at the begining of our relationship but I was slowly getting smarter to him and his games. Now, this is where it starts to get really ugly and this is the reason and purpose for me deciding to blog about what's going on.
Because I was a stay at home mom I had no income and our rent was $700 a month. He left July 28th 2008 just a few days before rent was due. When I asked him how it was going to get paid he basically said it was my problem so my grandmother sent a check to my landlord in Florida (this was the state where all of this was taking place). I found out as the days went on that he had a charge back done on his credit card and the electric was going to be disconnected. He transfered the insurance from the vehicle we shared together to the new vehicle that he had just purchased after he left us so he didn't have to pay two months in advance. Thanks to my dad he kepts my lights on and gave me enough money to pay for two months of insurance on the new policy I had to open. Then I get a call from my mother-in-law telling me that my husband reported my cell phone lost/stollen and she wanted to tell me about it. I guess she had enough feelings in her to care about just that. Thanks to my mom she got me another cell phone not to mention the several hundreds of dollars she sent me to pay for other expenses and to take care of me and the kids while I tried to figure the whole mess out.
All of this happened in about a months time. Every morning I dreaded waking up because I had no idea what my husband was going to do next. Plus I was still trying to figure out how to move on from it all and he wasn't making it easy. It's hard enough to pick yourself up and move forward but it's even harder when that person doesn't care about the kids to want to make it as easy as possible, if it's possible.
In the begining...
Ok, ok, so I was young, I didn't listen to my parents and I thought I knew everything. I got married and then over 6 years later a divorce. The problem is I just want to move on from the pain and start fresh and all my ex-husband wants to do it threaten, belittle and harass me. I have to say I'm getting really tired of it all. I feel hopeless and it seems everywhere I turn people tell me how wrong it is and then very soon after that how they have no idea how to help me out.
My goal for doing this is to first get it out of my system and make myself feel better. Secondly, that maybe I can help others. Thirdly, maybe then can someone finally help me out.
I am for safety of myself and everyone involved in this situation changing names, and any personal information etc. I certainly don't want to cause anymore problems than I all ready have with my friends, family and loved ones due to my choices. Plus, even though I get so frustrated with my ex-husband I certainly do not want to cause him any problems either. I just want to gain my power back and some dignity that I have lost along the way.
My goal for doing this is to first get it out of my system and make myself feel better. Secondly, that maybe I can help others. Thirdly, maybe then can someone finally help me out.
I am for safety of myself and everyone involved in this situation changing names, and any personal information etc. I certainly don't want to cause anymore problems than I all ready have with my friends, family and loved ones due to my choices. Plus, even though I get so frustrated with my ex-husband I certainly do not want to cause him any problems either. I just want to gain my power back and some dignity that I have lost along the way.
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